Archive | October 2014

I just don’t know what it is.

What it could be wrong with me.

I am terrified. Completely terrified it makes my chest hurt.

I have major guilt.

In general.

I feel guilty for asking my sister to move with me.

I feel guilty because I feel like I made her.

I feel guilty for making her choose this apartment.

I feel guilty because the landlord sucks, when that was something she was really trying to avoid.

I feel guilty that we choose this apartment and there are problems with it said landlord won’t fix.

So I feel guilty for her hating all the noise that the family upstairs makes.

And I feel guilty because she gets angry that they park in our parking spaces.

I feel guilty that she wouldn’t be in this situation if not for me.

She wouldn’t hate where she lives.

She wouldn’t have trouble sleeping from all the noise upstairs.

She wouldn’t be getting into arguments with them about parking.

She wouldn’t be angry.

She wouldn’t be unhappy because of me.

And people can tell me that it’s not my fault.

That I can’t control everything.

That I can’t control people or the way that they act.

But that doesn’t make this guilty feeling go away.

I don’t know how to make this guilty feeling go away.

There is so much guilt and it makes me feel like a child.

So small.

Why won’t this feeling just go away