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Expectation

via Daily Prompt: Expectation

People always seem to be expecting something different than what I expect of myself. And sometimes (most of the time) my expectations disappoint me too.

My brother once told me to set my expectations low, that way when I succeed, even by a little, I’ll be ‘pleasantly surprised’.

Personally, expectations give me a lot of anxiety. Like whenever I’m in a relationship I always feel like he ‘expects’ something of me and I don’t know what that is. Hence the anxiety and hence why my relationships don’t last long.

 

One Year Done

So here I am. A couple months later and I will officially announce that I have passed my first year of medical school! It was NOT easy and people looking back and saying that it was are clearly blocking some things out.

Sometimes it’s hard to think that I’m actually in a really good place in my life because I’m still in school. Other kids I graduated high school or college with are getting jobs, married and having kids. And I just say that I’m still in school. Forever. But then I have to remember that I had some really tough competition to here and that I am in a pretty prestigous program to be honest.

It’s easy to still just feel like a small student when other people your own age are building lives and seem so much further ahead of me in life.

It’s good to remind yourself once in a while that people take different paths.

And there’s nothing wrong with that.

Nope

This is why I never open my mouth to share.

Because I do, then people take action on those words.

Then I just hurt people and cause destruction where ever I go.

Anxiety

Social anxiety is feeling awful and embarrassed, like you burdened someone when they asked you what was wrong and you actually told them.

And then feel the need to apologize.

Only in disney movies can someone get to do what many of us wish to do on a daily basis..

Smarts and Not Smarts

There is a major difference in knowing something to be intellectually true and feeling it. Because one thing is definitely stronger than the other and most of the time it’s the feeling.

So while I may know that I am useful and a decently smart person.

It’s overshadowed by the overwhelming feeling of being useless and idiotic.

Just because I know something is true, doesn’t mean I feel that way.

Which sucks.

Being an Introvert

Usually these types of lists aren’t so accurate but this one is right on the money!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/11/07/physical-behavior-of-introverts_n_6069438.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063

“Small talk stresses them out, while deeper conversations make them feel alive.”

“They literally shut down when it’s time to be alone.”